MARRIAGE IS A THREE-RING CIRCUS: ENGAGEMENT RING, WEDDING RING, AND SUFFER-RING.
THE LAST FIGHT MY WIFE AND I HAD WAS MY FAULT. MY WIFE ASKED, "WHAT'S ON THE TV?" I SAID, "DUST." THEN I WOKE UP IN THE HOSPITAL.
IN THE BEGINNING, GOD CREATED EARTH AND RESTED. THEN GOD CREATED MAN AND RESTED. THEN GOD CREATED WOMAN. SINCE THEN, NEITHER GOD NOR MAN HAS RESTED.
MY WIFE AND I ARE INSEPARABLE. IN FACT, LAST WEEK IT TOOK FOUR STATE TROOPERS AND A POLICE DOG TO KEEP US APART.
WHY DO MEN DIE BEFORE THEIR WIVES? THEY WANT TO.
A WELL-DRESSED WOMAN SHOPPING ON RODEO DRIVE, WALKED PASSED A MAN SITTING N A SIDEWALK BENCH. HE SAID TO HER, "I HAVEN'T EATEN ANYTHING IN FOUR DAYS." SHE LOOKED AT HIM AND SAID, "GOD, WISH I HAD YOUR WILLPOWER."
DO YOU KNOW THE PUNISHMENT FOR BIGAMY? TWO MOTHERS-IN-LAW.
YOUNG SON: "IS IT TRUE, DAD,? I HEARD THAT IN SOME PARTS OF AFRICA A MAN DOESN'T KNOW HIS WIFE UNTIL HE MARRIES HER?"
FATHER: "THAT HAPPENS IN EVERY COUNTRY, SON."
A MAN INSERTED AN AD IN THE CLASSIFIEDS: "WIFE WANTED." THE NEXY DAY HE RECEIVED A HUNDRED LETTERS. THEY ALL SAID THE SAME THING. "YOU CAN HAVE MINE."
THE MOST EFFECTIVE WAY TO REMEMBER YOUR WIFE'S BIRTHDAY IS TO FORGET IT ONCE.
JUST THINK, IF IT WEREN'T FOR MARRIAGE, MEN WOULD GO THROUGH LIFE THINKING THEY HAD NO FAULTS AT ALL.
THEN THERE WAS A MAN WHO SAID, "I NEVER KNEW WHAT REAL HAPPINESS WAS UNTIL I GOT MARRIED; THEN IT WAS TOO LATE."
